Damon’s pants may be tight, but Schilling’s are tighter. 

 Get me another Hot Dog!!

“Hey Hop-Sing, I mean Dice-K, Get me another Hot Dog and a Slushie!”

Where did I put those Doughnuts? Oh Yeah, I ate them.

“Where did Justin Pedroia go?” 

According to Toni Massarotti of the Boston Herald, Schilling ate him. That’s why the Red Sox are unwilling to commit to Senor Plump until the end of the year.