1. Trade Brett Gardner to the Tampa Bay Rays for Don Zimmer. Hal Steinbrenner apologizes to Zimmer; Uses father’s decline as excuse for Zimmer’s perceived mistreatment. Girardi gets on-the-job training….which he desperately needs. A gut instinct guy to counter Joe’s  notepad management style.
  2. Fire Tony Pena: He didn’t do anything wrong, but someone needs to tell Girardi, “That’s dumb Joe.”
  3. Don Zimmer is new bench coach.
  4. Two-year old Amstel Light commercials are dropped. The team is hard enough to watch without having to see some f’n dope volley a soccer ball while hanging on a lamp post. What’s the point of that anyway??? When you drink Amstel you act like a dope????
  5. Trade the clubhouse DJ (Nick Swisher) to the Muts for Ryan Church. They hate Church and Swisher can play first base for them. Church becomes the right fielder.
  6. Joba Chamberlain is dropped from the rotation. Joins the shitty bullpen.
  7. Phil Hughes inserted into the rotation.
  8. Austin Jackson’s diaper is removed. Promoted to the big club.
  9. W.B. Mason mustache guy is fired immediately. This is actually the first move that must be made.
  10. Sweeney Murti traded to the Mets for Ed Coleman. Mix it up WFAN…mix it up.