Now, those bums have taken it all away. Now, watching the Yankees play is more depressing than reading the news. It’s frustrating. I’m cursing more than I ever have. I have been forced to find alternative diversions. Today I found two; a picture in the NY Post of Eva Longoria relaxing on the beach in St. Tropez, and the following list of thoughts from George Carlin’s philosophy that I found on my hard drive. I don’t know what I will find to get me through tomorrow, but I’ll keep looking until the Yankees become my diversion again.

Philosophy from George Carlin:
1. Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.
2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, “Where’s the self-help section?” She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
7. Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren’t going as ghosts but as mattresses?
8. If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
9. If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him…is he still wrong?
10. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
11. Is there another word for synonym?
12. Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?”
13. Where do forest rangers go to “get away from it all?”
14. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
15. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
16. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
17. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
18. If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
19. Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?
20. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
21. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
22. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
24. How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
25. Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
26. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
27. One nice thing about egotists: they don’t talk about other people.
28. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
29. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
30. How is it possible to have a civil war?
31. If God dropped acid, would he see people?
32. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
33. If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?
34. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
35. Whose cruel idea was it for the word “Lisp” to have a “S” in it?
36. Why are hemorrhoids called “hemorrhoids” instead of “assteroids”?
37. Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot at them?
38. Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
39. Where are we going? And what’s with this handbasket?
40. If the “blackbox” flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn’t the whole damn airplane made out of that stuff?
41. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
42. If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times, does he become disoriented?

Torre may not have much to work with, but I am tired of him placating the performance of the team. Other than A-Rod there is no power in the lineup. The bench is pathetic, maybe the worst since 1990. Who put this team together?

The older Roundtable members (who will remain nameless) remember the collapse after the 1964 WS. This team has many similarities with that 1965 team. Good thing for free agency, but if you spend your money foolishly it really doesn’t matter.

I will not concede the division to the Red Sox not because I think Joe is wrong, but because I cannot admit it and because there is always hope. However, I would rather write this season off than make more dumb moves out of sheer frustration (Clemens?).

The team needs to get younger, especially in key positions, like centerfield. The pitching staff needs to be revamped. More guys like Wong are needed, and less like Mussina and Clemens. We need a centerfielder who can play defense and possesses a strong throwing arm. Let Abreau go. I would trade Cano for the right player (I suggested a trade for Willis last year). Cano has talent but it may never be fully developed. I like Matsui but he is also on a downward path. I would trade him for the right position player.

Who are the keepers? Posada, (but he only has two years left); Rivera, but he shows signs of old age; Jeter, he may have lost some range but he is a better hitter now and you can’t fault him for the team’s poor performance; A-Rod, he better stay since without him the Yankees would be dead last; Wong, the Yankees ace pitcher for the past two years. Am I missing someone?

The bottom line, blow this team up. I think John B said that a while ago.

Ok, who will be responsible for orchestrating the moves that have to be made? It can’t be Cashman since he hasn’t demonstrated the baseball acumen needed to right the ship. We need a new general manager. Maybe the single biggest mistake was relegating Gene Michael to the scrap heap. I would immediately make Michael the GM, but I would provide him with a guy who would be responsible for doing the paperwork. This would relieve Michael of the administrative duties of the GM’s job and allow him to make the baseball decisions (remember trading for O’Neill and keeping Bernie).

The Yankees cannot afford to resign Torre. He has shown that he can win only when all of the pieces are in place and when Don Zimmer is advising him on the bench. We need a new manager.

Unfortunately, the Yankees put themselves in box with Mattingly on the bench. If you bring Girardi in where does Mattingly go? Maybe Bowa is the solution (though short term) because he is really from outside the organization and he will bring the passion to the job that is currently severely lacking. But then Girardi will be gone to greener pastures.

While the right manager is very important the right GM is even more critical.

Joe, I am sorry I am late with my Cup o’ Joe. I am very busy at work. No, not golf.

I’ll take a tip from John S and tell a tale of my little league memories. After my little league experiences, it’s amazing that I love baseball now as much as I do. As I tell my tale, it’s important to note that I was only about 3 feet tall until my sophmore year of high school.

When I was very young, I’m sure I was signed up for PAL Little League because all my friends were. But, because of where my birthday fell, I was not on a team with them. I was on a team with kids a year older than me. Couple that with my impressive stature and the fact that I was deathly afraid of the ball, and you can gather that I wasn’t the most popular kid on the team.

Of course I was stuck out in right field where nobody could hit the ball. That was good, because most of the time I had no idea what was going on in the game. I would stand out there lost in my own thoughts, dreading my next appearance at the plate. Then I’d only know to run off the field when i saw everyone else run to the dugout. Great… am I up this inning?

I would walk up to the plate and hear the collective groan from my teammates. My ABs would last so long, you’d think I was Jason Giambi. That bat never left my shoulder. A 10mph pitch would come in on the outside of the plate and I would take two steps back away from it. Man that was close! In truth, it was probably very tough for the coaches to pitch to me because my strike zone was so small, but at this level there were no walks or non-swinging strikes. The AB would last until I was embarrassed enough to swing the bat aimlessly three times and take a seat back in the dugout. Ah, the dugout bench… the only place where I couldn’t screw up. Knowing what I know now, I feel even worse for my parents who had to sit with the other parents who would groan worse than my teammates when my spot in the order came up. I’m sure there was much worse than groans, but they’ve lovingly spared me the details.

I was so bad that my alcoholic assistant coach tried to teach me how to bunt so at least I would be doing something at the plate. Yeah, that was a good idea… try to to get the kid who is incredibly afraid of the ball to lean his body into the pitch! Needless to say, that didn’t work well.

I do, however, remember getting one hit in my little league career. Before the game, my father had told me that if I got a hit, he would buy me a Nintendo game. Motivation. Nintendo… I was good at that! I ‘m sure he was just trying to get me to swing the bat quicker. I guess it worked. I swung at the first pitch I saw that day and hit what felt to me like a solid line drive. A real frozen rope. I know it was just a little squib that may or may not have made it past the pitcher, but there I was standing on first base. This was the crowning achievement of my little league career. I don’t remember anything that happened after that. I don’t know if there were real cheers, mock cheers, or laughter. All I could think about for the rest of the game was Double Dragon. What a great game!

Epliogue:
When my illustrious baseball career was over, I was almost as bad on a CYO basketball team. It’s really sad that I was terrible on any organized sport team that I was ever on. I finally got good at sports when I hit my growth spurt in High School (I’m sure it had a lot to do with confidence.) But at that point, organized sports was not what I was interested in (wink, wink). I love to play baseball now, and I still play Double Dragon.

Jeter, in case you haven’t noticed is in an 0-10 slide and is 6 for his last 40 (.150).  He hit into 3 Double Plays in the Boston series, made critical errors and has looked bad in the field.  But not a bad word about him.  Where are the “Jeter’s not clutch” comments?  Where are the “Derek JEEEEEEEEEEETER” headlines (that’s 11 E’s in case you are counting)?  Where are the Jeter critics?  Not that I think they are deserved, but I mention it because the attacks on A-Rod are just plain dumb. 

Despite winning the game on Sunday with a Home Run off of one of the toughest closers is in the Post again today under the headline “Worried Joe May Rest Weary A-Rod“.  The article says Torre is considering using A-Rod as a DH or giving him a day off because “He has a lot on his plate and that will be a concern to me until I see him relax and be able to enjoy it more.”  The article then rehashes the Stray-Rod story and the Blue Jays “Ha” play mentioning the “bush league” comment yet again.  “Until Sunday night, when A-Rod went 2 for 5 with two RBIs and crushed the game winning homer off of . . . Paplebon . . .A-Rod was in a 2-12 (.167) slide since the latest controversies started swirling around the lightning rod for criticism.” 

[Personally, I love that the 2-12 slide is mentioned. That was from Wednesday through Saturday.   A-rod had 4 walks in that period an OBP of .375.  Over the same period, Jeter was 3-17 (.176) with 1 walk (.222 OBP).  If you exclude Saturday, Jeter was 1-12 (.083) with one walk (.153 OBP). But where is the Jeter slide mentioned?  Where is the fact that Jeter's batting average has dropped almost 40 points in 12 days?  It just doesn't happen.] 

Torre then had these wonderful words of support for A-Rod….

“I am sure there are a lot of emotions running through him,” Torre said. “There is nothing we can help him with other than be on his side as far as wearing the same uniform. It’s just some of the tough things you have to deal with. Nobody is going to sympathize with him and we don’t either. We just know this is one of those tough times and he has to deal with it. He is not having as much fun as he did earlier.”

Great job standing behind your player Joe.  “There is nothing we can help him with”, “Nobody is going to sympathize with him and we don’t either.”   Torre is supposed strength is managing the egos.  He again has hung A-Rod out to dry and now is thinking about taking his best player out of the lineup.

[Remember: Torre didn't back A-Rod on the "Ha" play either.  He had comments like. "They were angry - Oh, there's no question.  I can't say I blame them, but what are you going to do about it? - It's probably something he shouldn't have done.  I don't sense he's going to do it again." Great Job Joe.  Take the competitiveness out of your best player.]

This circus continues while Torre’s teacher’s pet, Jeter, is stinking up the joint at the plate and in the field.  Maybe Jeter needs the rest Joe.  Ever think of that.

ESPN’s take on the NY Post’s obsession with A-Rod.

Marshall, Will and Holly were on a routine expedition when their canoe was capsized and was thrown into a mysterious cave. The three found some intriguing crystals and were transported through a dimensional portal…..

Marshall, Will and Holly find themselves in a strange land inhabited by an odd monkey boy called “Chaka,” a small but friendly dinosaur called “Dopey” and strange creatures called Sleestak. Can they ever find their way home again?

Marshall, Will and Holly also find other residents to this strange land. They are called the Tribe of the Yhan-e-kees (pronounced yank-eees). Their leader is referred to as Torr-ray. He has a puzzled look on his face when he encounters Marshall, Will and Holly.

Marshall: Greetings. We mean you no harm. Can you tell us where we are?

Torr-ray: Uh, I don’t know. I was going to say the same thing.

Will: Where did you come from?

Torr-ray: Uh, I don’t know. We are trying to find answers. Right now there are none.

Holly: Are you friendly?

Torr-ray: Uh, I don’t know. We come to the park everyday expecting something good. But expecting something good is not enough, we have to make it so.

Marshall: What the heck are you talking about?

Torr-ray: Uh, I don’t know. We’re squeezing the bats a little tight right now. We’re searching for the right formula.

Will: Why would Abreu bunt as the number 3 hitter, with first and second and nobody out, down by 2 runs.

Torr-ray: Uh, I don’t know. Why don’t you ask him, he’s right here.

Ah-bray-u: Uh, I don’t know. Is this Philadelphia?

Will: Are these guys kidding us? Let’s get out of here. Holly take that monkey boy of yours Chaka…

Holly: Can I keep this one – he tells me his name is Cash-Man, he’s cute!

Marshall: Not unless he can find a power hitting first baseman who can play defense!

A Ferrari is a street legal race car in Michaelangelo skin. A perfect blend of art, technology, and history. When new, a Ferrari is flawless: Each component executes its job to perfection. Collectively, the components harmonize to create an unmatched driving experience that is as beautiful as it is thrilling. Art in motion.

While enjoying every minute of driving a Ferrari, something else is happening: the number on the odometer is increasing. Oh, no….mileage. To create a driving experience worthy of a Ferrari nameplate, each component is highly-tuned, delicate, special, exotic……….fragile. Each component is selected and designed to work in perfect harmony with the others, and when one component breaks the overall experience suffers.

A Ferrari ages much faster than more common production vehicles from Toyota, Ford, or Honda (1:3 mile ratio; So a 30,000 mile Ferrari is like a 90,000 mile Honda). In the first couple years of ownership, minor parts break. But on a Ferrari, “minor” does not equate to “inexpensive”. How does $2,700.00 for two rear tires and an oil/coolant change at 15,000 miles sound? $600.00 for a windshield washer nozzle?

If you’re driving a Ferrari, fixing these parts is a no-brainer. A drop in the bucket.

As mileage increases, bigger, more critical parts break. For a while, raw mass captial must be thrown at the car to keep it performing. Until it’s time to drop the car on some unassuming first time Ferrari owner in favor a newer more exotic and MORE fragile model.

The Yankees are similiar to a Ferrari. Cars are similiar to baseball.

In the early years, the Yankees snapped a Mariano Duncan and a Boggs was completely worn out. So they dropped in a brand new Knoblauch and fitted a Brosius. Then, for good measure, they upgraded their Wetteland with a high-performance part (Rivera). Those worked great for a while. Then the Tino was replaced and the O’Neill couldn’t handle another mile of abuse.

We broke some critical parts the manufacturer doesn’t even produce anymore. We continually searched the aftermarket looking for a suitable replacement, until we just threw a old Pettitte back in.

Braves = BMW

Mets = Lincoln

Boston = Dodge Magnum

Ohh, almost forgot: A Ferrari costs $10.97 a mile to own compared to Toyota’s $.37 cents. (Oakland = Toyota)

Here was the brain trust of my Little League Cleveland Indians. The manager was a NYC detective, as was the coach, who was a NYC detective sergeant or Lieutenant. They loved baseball, and coaching kids. We loved them. No exaggeration and no innuendo, they were wonderful “manly men”.

Most of today’s “yout of America” have to be taught basic baseball from scratch since electronic entertainment and soccer or basketball is more the mainstream. As we were a bit more BB educated, our manager taught detail, proper rundown procedure, backing up fielders receiving throws, and how to spit.

The manager would take as many players as wanted to go to the Polo Grounds for the Mets first two seasons (easily dating myself), where the badge would get us in free. He would take smaller groups to Yankee Stadium, where I guess he may have had to pay. We would sit in the top row there and throw our peanut shells out of the louvres of the grates right behind us. But the class was in session. He would teach us positioning, backing up, etc. with the whole field to study, as opposed to out 15″ black and white sets at home, where in some alternate universe the Yanks are still on channel 11.

The manager would take us to the team sponsor’s bar (see last episode) for cokes and chips after many games. He and some of the barflies, who adopted the team, would also play stickball (spaldeens of course) in the concrete neighborhood schoolyard (about 7 houses down from my house). One of the barflies (Earl, no joke) always wore a suit and white (not paticularly clean) shirt, no tie. My guess is a tie might have slowed the gravitational progression of booze down his throat, which was his raison d’etre. I had a good curve, no fastball in stickball. Earl couldn’t hit either pitch.

Good news, we won the championship in a very competitive 4 team league the second of two years we were Indians. No pitching dilution in a 4 team league, as the 2-1 final score in our championship game attests. Bad news, the manager, who I’m guessing was no older than 29 then, lost his wife to cancer the next year. He was not going to coach our second year but his wife convinced him to. And in typing that it all comes back. Proust homers to left.

I have two themes for this piece: the first being how enjoyable this season is so far and the second a retrospective on the history of the Yankees franchise players.

In light of the terrible losses this weekend I have to modify my comments somewhat on the first theme.

I don’t believe that baseball is a science and that you can predict or orchestrate things or events. The fact that you have the best players, or the highest payroll doesn’t mean you win the WS, and the Yankees have proven that the past several years. So I like the adversity this year with the starting pitching staff on the DL. I hope this adversity builds team character and with it a championship. The greatest team over the past 40 years was the 1998 Yankees (No Sparky Anderson, it wasn’t the Big Red machine or your 1980’s Tigers team). The 1998 roster was full of very good players, but at that time no superstars (Jeter has since become a superstar in my book). I would like that to be the case this year, though we now have two super stars in Jeter and A-Rod (I reserve the superstar status for everyday players; obviously Rivera would be one if pitchers were included).

I like the introduction of young players even though some of the moves are done out of necessity due to injuries. This makes the older players play harder and makes the games more interesting. Pitching is the key for success and you need young arms to win. I would love to see Wright stay with the team and for the Yankees to continue the transition of a younger team motivated to win with hungry players.

Unfortunately, my enjoyment was put to the test Friday night, not because of the loss but because of the way the game was lost. Joe Torre panicked like he did in games four and five of the 2004 playoff against the Red Sox. For the record I note the comments of Russ on the same point. Joe miss managed the bullpen last year and totally miss managed the playoff series against the Tigers. There was no reason why Proctor could not pitch the eight inning. Joe did not have to bring in Vizcaino, who has had some recent problems with control. What book is Joe following? You are taking a big risk by replacing a relief pitcher that is effective with someone coming out of the pen. The situation did not call for bringing in Rivera in the eight inning. Even if Mo was successful in that situation he would still have to pitch the ninth inning and his participation in game two and maybe three would be questionable. By the way, where was Farnsworth? Bad move Joe Torre. To me Joe looks lost in the dugout.

I was a big Joe Torre fan but I wanted him fired after last year. I feel that way now as well.
Now for the retrospective:

Last week I was listening to the radio coming back to the office from a business meeting in NYC and I heard the tail end of a conversation about the five greatest Yankees. I did not hear who were selected except for the fact that Babe Ruth was not one of the five. OK, that is sheer stupidity, but it got me thinking. Who are the five greatest Yankees of all time?

My five are: Ruth, Gehrig, Mantle, DiMaggio and Berra. FYI, I had some difficulty with number five since Whitey Ford was the best big game pitcher ever. Sure, I know about Koufax and others, but Ford pitched in more big games and proved himself time and time again. The others simply do not have the track record to challenge Ford’s success in critical WS games. Remember, these were not the first or second round playoff games. They were WS games for all of the marbles.

I look for the comments of the Roundtable on this and I want to add one more point:

I don’t see how any current players and maybe future player can break into the top five categories. Certainly, Jeter and Rivera are worthy, but fall short of the greatness of the top five. A-Rod may have a long Yankees career (I hope so), but he won’t be in the top five. My point is that the five players I mentioned are immortal.

Pavano likes to go, where everybody knows his name
and no one’s surprised he came.
The coaches and all his teammates see,
they’ll be let down again.
They want to know, “Will Carl pitch another game?”

But Carl wants to stay where he can be
at comfort with all his pain.
He’d even cause an automotive crash again!

Some guys have had good starts, and some have not. Which brings me to this weeks Cup.

“Karma” defined as “The total effect of a person’s actions and conduct during the successive phases of the person’s existence, regarded as determining the person’s destiny.”

Last year, Jeter changed his Karma. His refusal to stand up for A-Rod, when A-Rod needed support changed Jeter’s moral energy. How many opportunities did Jeter have to step up and do the right thing – the good thing. The philosphy of Karma states “individuals bear responsibility for all their actions and cannot escape the consequences, although bad actions can be expiated by good ones.” Jeter has six errors this year. He is paying the price for last year’s negativity. His lack of generosity toward A-Rod is determining his own fate. Unless he takes action and changes his attitude about A-Rod, he is destined to have a bad year. It’s not too late. This is what he needs to do: Forgive A-Rod. Take him to dinner (or invite him to a sleep over) and have a long heart-to-heart. “Alex, I forgive you and I want to put this all behind us” Next, he needs to let the press know that he and A-Rod had this discussion and admit he’s been a jerk and ask his fans for forgiveness. Then, he needs to stop acting like a vindictive prick for the rest of his life. He needs to understand that people make mistakes and everyone can’t be as perfect as he is. And when he gets all of this, and takes these actions, his bad Karma will turn to good Karma, and he will stop making errors, hit .340 and score 120 runs.